Saturday, July 18, 2015

Jelly Magician Magic


______I'm megathrilled (WORD SMAAASH) that jelly shoes are plastered all over the interwebs like wanted posters in a back alley. Not only are they cheap, but they feel cheap, look cheap, and make your feet all hot and bothered in the summer. Aside from an overwhelming majority of cons, there's absolutely no denying they're a) cute as heck and b) jelly magician magic.

______And as one should knowledgeably know, jelly magician magic trumps all.

Dork Eating Leaf, digital photograph, 2015Jelly

______Jelly shoes teleport us to when we were naive nuggets who delighted in the televised adventures of 2D characters, to when wooden spoons skimmed the tops of our single serve ice creams, and to when we hopped on scotch instead of drinking it. When making mud pies garnished with leaves was the closest thing we knew to preparing a well-rounded meal. When riding around with your friends on scooters wearing clunky helmets and knee pads was an absolute daily must. When familiar everyday sounds were the sloshing of water inside glittery hula hoops, the Windows 95 startup tune, the comforting digital screech of dial-up connection, and the pop of a PlayDoh can lid.

______Back to when the stresses of adulthood were things we could not even begin to comprehend. The hardest decision we had to make was how long to stay on the toilet playing our Gameboy Colors after finishing business. Okay, okay: the hardest decision was which starter Pokémon to choose. But you could do that from the toliet.

______What I'm getting at is that jelly shoes, though meager and materialistic, are an escape from adulthood, a portal to a place where all things are fresh and new again... we yearn for that renewal somehow, for that excitement of a first-time discovery. I feel like that's the reason items are reconfigured into new but familiar delights after a few decades: for the sweet feeling of nostalgia.


______For the next two weeks, I'm staying with my grandmother in Florida. We're going to a week-long quilting and sewing workshop together to enhance our craft and be hardcore ladies in general, and I've gotta say I'm super pumped for it! I'm more than thrilled to spend some much needed time with my g-ma. She's one of the most talented and selfless human beings on earth, always writing poems for her grandchildren and creating eye-popping quilts for them that make you awe in wonder at their intricate designs. She's ridiculously trendy, too, for she plays Mario on her Nintendo 64, texts with truckloads of emojis, and isn't afraid to call someone out when they be trippin'.

______My grandma is some eleventy-billion stars out of ten according to IMDB.

______The workshop we're attending is being held in a fancy resort so I'm definitely keeping expectations high. I've already packed my faux pearl earrings and downed every online guide on how to differentiate various forks and their specific uses (did you know the pokey parts of forks are called "tines"?). After each day of sewing, I'm hoping grandma and I will return to our room to origami towels shaped like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West with a foil-wrapped chocolate placed atop each of their cloth heads. Hopefully, there will be LED lights that line the rim of the toilet which blink eagerly with each flush. A butler in our closet wedged between the fold-out ironing board and metal hangers. And just piles of money everywhere.

______See you guys in a few!


______What are some of the key elements of your childhood?

Top: Knowstyle (similar style)
Skirt: Charlotte Russe (exact)
Bracelets: Charming Charlie
Jelly shoes: Juju (exact) 
Necklace: Nasty Gal (similar styles)

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Cotton Candy Mermaid

Cotton Candy

______Yesterday I turned the ripe, senile age of 22. Which means that besides beginning to grow fond of those who share inspirational quotes plastered over idyllic landscapes on my Facebook feed, I have decided to dress as mature as possible, donning myself in clothing fit for a cotton candy mermaid...

______My day was fairly eventful. Other than buying four pairs of shoes from dee interwebs (my god, Ali, you materialistic piece of poo poo pie), baking myself a cookie cake and eating far too much of it in the process, I went on an extra long bike ride, even managing to cross paths with the eccentric cyclist you may remember me writing about months ago, the one called Northern Lights. When I run into him, I always tell myself I'll turn around and get back at him for all the times he's shouted incoherent ramblings at me, but I've never quite managed to put that plan into action when we actually do cross paths.

Cotton CandyCotton CandyCotton CandyCotton Candy

______When he approaches, I can't help but grin because the whole ordeal is just so stupid. His entrance is always the same and always comical: he spots me from afar, jerks his head around to check for oncoming vehicles, and immediately veers to the yellow centerline like the hungriest of sharks as he hunches protectively over his road bike. I always know it's him because the instant we become aware of each other his demeanor changes as if he is a piglet who has suddenly discovered a mud puddle.

______I like this guy. I am entertained by his presence. I feel we've developed a sort of kinship, like two frat bros who both have red trucks and nod coolly as they pass on campus. We don't know each other's names, but I feel like we'd have a thing or two to discuss if we met in the grocery store.

______But back to the story.

______This time, Northern Lights puffed his chest out and pulled his shoulders back, hands balled into fists on his hips as he rode toward me. He screamed something which, as per usual, I could not quite comprehend, and in response I shouted, "BIKE HIGH FIVE!" because it's a game by now, you know, and we did try our very best to high five one another but failed by a shameful amount of yards. It's strange how distance can be so distorted when you're biking opposed to driving or walking on a road.

______Immediately after the unsuccessful bro-five, blinking lights man shouted, "Wake up earlier!"

Cotton CandyCotton Candy

______Wake up earlier? Was he implying that I should wake up earlier to join him in his biking shenanigans? Usually he's riding the opposite way, so if I timed it right, we could ride the same way... And with that, possibly gain entrance into the unofficial blinking lights biker cult. Yep, I think that's exactly what he meant. And I think it's a challenge. A challenge I will accept with utmost fervor, ferocity, and... f... f... ferocity again.

______Yeah. So ferocious.

______Hope you all are having a great start to your July. And I just want to say that I'm gleeful as ever to be back in blogland communicating with you all. Your meaningfully written, novel-worthy comments mean the world to me!

Cotton Candy

Top: Lotus Boutique (similar)
Skirt: c/o ForElyse (exact)
Heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Bra: Victoria's Secret (exact)
All jewelry from Charming Charlie (yes, it's ridiculous)